Nikki: An embarrassing look back

Lately I’ve been looking at old photos to think back about some fun times.  I didn’t expect it to be so difficult. 

This picture here is June 2010 at Jill’s Birthday.  I can hardly stand to look at myself. (Ryan actually just walked by and told me “babe you look so big in that picture.  I can see just how much weight you’ve lost now”)

I know my confidence was lacking at this point in time.  I smiled even though I didn’t really feel that a smile proved I was happy but to look back and see just how big I had gotten is a shock even to me.  I feel sad, looking at this photo and thinking about how unhappy I was at that time.

It’s embarrassing to look at these photo’s.  There’s some that are so upsetting to me that I just want to delete them and erase that time from my memory.  Ryan and I took a trip to Hawaii before these pictures at Jill’s Birthday and I remember not wanting to put pictures on Facebook because I was so embarrassed.   If you looked in that photo album of Hawaii you would also notice that 9 out of 10 photos were of Ryan as I was ashamed to have my photo taken.   

The funny thing about being embarrassed of having my photo taken is I love being photographed and, not to sound conceded, but I am very photogenic.  Jen and Emma plan days to just take photos and if you have me on FB you’ve obviously seen many of those photos.  So to get to a point in life where I was embarrassed by the photos I was in and to not want to participate in fun activities because of my weight was a depressing time for me.

I wont delete these ‘heavy day’ photos of me because I am using them as motivation and as a reminder to myself that I don’t want to go back to those days.  I was depressed, unhappy and unhealthy so to keep these photos around will help motivate me on those days I don’t want to work out.

   <—-This is me today

Looking good and feeling great!






This is me just over a year ago —->

Using photos like this as motivation to keep working out and eating well.